TED CRUZ FOR HUMAN PRESIDENT

100% HUMAN CANDIDATE

"I have been incubated from birth to be your overlord"

AMERICAN PROSPERITY

Hello I am Tedcruz Forpresident.
 
I have over 42 years!
 
I wish to shut down the space program and destroy all telescopes, abruptly and without explanation

OBSERVING YOU

I once observed a child traversing on wheeled shoes. I will work tirelessly to find out what this technology is called and demand the earth children turn its schematics over to me, forthwith

TEDCRUZ BEACH TIPS

"BEACH" HAS MANY PERILS DUE TO ITS PROXIMITY TO SODIUM RICH WATER AND PACKS OF UNATTENDED CHILDREN.

THE SKIN IS THE ENEMY OF THE SUN

It is vital to protect your outermost layer from the sun(s) violent rays. Consider wearing [Khaki] and [golf shirt] for the duration of your visit to BEACH. 

MAINTAIN SUFFICIENT MOISTURE

Moisture loss is inevitable. We all know this! haha! But it is important that to maintain wetness by consuming high-moisture food such as egg.

BEWARE OF LOOSE CHILDREN

Opportunistic children capitalize on BEACH's looser restrictions surrounding behavior. They can and will attempt to take your egg.
 
Though laws vary by location, it is universally acceptable to reprimand them with a single, firm tap to the head, neck or chest.

UPDATE

I must return to my home town of T'EXAS to slumber for an amount of time you would consider reasonable
 
Thank you, your support and skull sizes have been documented

EXCITING NEWS

I just found out that here, in The U'S'A, you are permitted to have as many email addresses as you desire. It is marvelous. I said to my wife, in jest, "I desire an additional email address" and she said "that action is permitted." She said it over and over, continuously into the following morning. "That action is permitted. That action is permitted"
 
Please give me your information. Do so in the field below.

HERE IS WHAT THE PEOPLE ARE SAYING

Ted Cruz is only one being and not several.

- Guy Manderson

I have seen many people and Ted Cruz is one of them

- Firstname Lastname

RUDY GIULIANI'S PATRIOT DISTRICT

Friend and keeper of terrible secrets "Rudy" has deployed a site of his own in partnership with a Male Enhancement product. Please find it here:

"RUDY"

100% HUMAN CANDIDATE

"I have been incubated from birth to be your overlord"

AMERICAN PROSPERITY

Hello I am Tedcruz Forpresident. I have over 42 years! I wish to shut down the space program and destroy all telescopes, abruptly and without explanation

OBSERVING YOU

I once observed a child traversing on wheeled shoes. I will work tirelessly to find out what this technology is called and demand the earth children turn its schematics over to me, forthwith

TEDCRUZ BEACH TIPS

"BEACH" HAS MANY PERILS DUE TO ITS PROXIMITY TO SODIUM RICH WATER AND PACKS OF UNATTENDED CHILDREN.

THE SKIN IS THE ENEMY OF THE SUN

It is vital to protect your outermost layer from the sun(s) violent rays. Consider wearing [Khaki] and [golf shirt] for the duration of your visit to BEACH.

MAINTAIN SUFFICIENT MOISTURE

Moisture loss is inevitable. We all know this! haha! But it is important that to maintain wetness by consuming high-moisture food such as egg.

BEWARE OF LOOSE CHILDREN

Opportunistic children capitalize on BEACH's looser restrictions surrounding behavior. They can and will attempt to take your egg. Though laws vary by location, it is universally acceptable to reprimand them with a single, firm tap to the head, neck or chest.

UPDATE

I must return to my home town of T'EXAS to slumber for an amount of time you would consider reasonable Thank you, your support and skull sizes have been documented

EXCITING NEWS

HERE IS WHAT THE PEOPLE ARE SAYING

Ted Cruz is only one being and not several.

- Guy Manderson

I have seen many people and Ted Cruz is one of them

- Firstname Lastname

RUDY GIULIANI'S PATRIOT DISTRICT

Hello I am Tedcruz Forpresident.

I have over 42 years!

I wish to shut down the space program and destroy all telescopes, abruptly and without explanation

Opportunistic children capitalize on BEACH's looser restrictions surrounding behavior. They can and will attempt to take your egg.

Though laws vary by location, it is universally acceptable to reprimand them with a single, firm tap to the head, neck or chest.

I must return to my home town of T'EXAS to slumber for an amount of time you would consider reasonable

Thank you, your support and skull sizes have been documented